Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Today is that day.

I now know that the main entrance to the hospital closes at 8:00 p.m. and the only place to enter after that time is through the E.R.  I know where to park during the day and where to park in the evening.  I can find my way from the E.R. to the "south tower" after hours through hallways old and new.  I am starting to recognize E.R. staff as well as some of the nurses and aides on a couple of different floors.  I never wanted this knowledge.

My mom went from being a hospital patient to a hospice patient today.  It's tough to be the one making these decisions but my brain knows this is the right one.  My heart on the other hand .. feels the pain of being the one to say no to any more "treatment" and yes to meds and options that bring comfort and support.  No to trying to fix things and yes to things that ease the process and allow my mom the dignity she deserves.  It's hard not to second guess decisions as important as these.  But I think it's harder to see someone you love struggle and suffer only to give them more time - to struggle and suffer some more.

You really can't be wearing make-up while making these decisions either.  You can consider that advice if you'd like to.


Mahala said...

((( hugs ))) I want to say something comforting and profound, but I'm not good at that sort of thing. So just.. ((( hugs )))

Anonymous said...

What Mahala said goes for me too.

Stimey said...

I am so sorry. Much love to you.

MsCatMinder said...

I smile at your advice at the end about make up and will remember it if my time comes to need it . Much love BetteJo x

JenK said...

I can't even imagine what a difficult decision that was. I'll be sending good thoughts in your direction.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's something I'm just going to stick my head in the ground about for the time being. But I'll remember your advice.

An Authentic Life said...

God Bless you and your momma. I know when both my in-laws were in at that phase of their lives, we were so blessed to have the angels of Hospice for support. They make things a bit easier to deal with, even though it still sucks.
My heart goes out to you.
over from An Authentic Life, a BlogHer sister.

ROSA said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. On this date of your post, October 27, 2010, at 12:23 p.m., we lost our Mom. Like your Mom, She was put in hospice, too. And as you said, it's a difficult thing to do. Your emotions are a roller coaster, your mind and body "numb". There comes that point in time, as you also shared, where you play tug-of-war between your heart and your mind. You listened to your mind. You did the right thing for your Mom. And when the time comes for her to be called home, she will be at peace. She has drank from the cup of suffering for which she will no longer have to endure, and when that happens, you WILL see the peace she will forever more embrace, consume her body. Our Mom even appeared to have the slightest smile on her face and that alone was more than we needed to see, and told us we did do the right thing.

You and yours have my thoughts and prayers with you during this most difficult time.