My life

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You can't sit down around here without ending up with a cat on your lap.

This is my daughter Dani and Jake.  Apparently Dani sat down.

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Displaced

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Threw a blanket on the couch, took a nap there earlier.

I'm guessing a late afternoon nap is out of the question!  At least for me.


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Who's in charge here?

I post Maxine and then next thing I know - it's almost Friday!  What happens in-between??  
What is it about the space created by my leg and my behind that this kitty loves to cuddle up to?  I really don't get it.  But she gets so comfy there.

Of course now I can't move because I'll disturb her. They own me, I tell ya.


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It all comes down to personal responsibility.

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There was a buzzing and a ruckus and I knew .. there was a bug in the house.  A June bug, big ugly beetle thing.  Ick.  Jake jumped over the back of the couch - "go get 'em Jake!"  I always have hope.  

She looked like she might be out to get it!

And then there was Norah - watching from a small distance.  Um .. never got any closer than that.

And now?  The cats are looking at me!  ME?!??

Shouldn't they earn their keep by at least keeping the bug count down?  

Sheesh!

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I guess I know where I stand!

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I guess she knows that crabby old man cat has aches and pains.  I might as well just get in line.  Chopped liver, I tell ya!

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Taking liberties

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When it's cold outside frequently you will find blankets on the couch and cats curled up in or on the blankets.  Look at Jake - isn't she cute?

But um ... excuse me-e-e-e..??

Guess she knows how to relax!

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Might have an old bike helmet around here somewhere ...

What were you doing at about 5:00am this morning? I hope you were sleeping peacefully as we all should be at that time of the day. But apparently one of my cats had other ideas.

Waking up because a cat has had a freak-out when it saw something outside and decided to do a flash dance on your head before launching off in a different direction is not the way I would prefer to end my slumber.

My reaction was immediate - I cringed and pulled my arm up above my head in case said kitty was not done. For a moment I considered dropping right back to sleep but decided to reach up and touch my head while mumbling something derogatory about the parentage of the doggone cat. My hand came away wet. Very wet. Disorienting!

By the time I got to the bathroom I saw blood splash onto the bathroom floor, it was down my arm and coming down the side of my face. OMG the cat has killed me! Okay, I didn't really have that thought, but I should have given the amount of blood dripping from my head.

I clapped my hand over my scalp and began the business of stopping the bleeding by applying pressure with wet paper towels. For OVER A HALF HOUR. I wasn't too freaked out because everybody knows that scalp wounds bleed a lot. But I WAS considering the logistics of driving myself to the hospital if I managed to pull some pants on and some sort of slip-on footwear, driving with one hand while holding bloody paper towels to my head with the other hand. I figured I would look like a crazy woman.

So once the bleeding finally stopped I did what anyone else with my temperament would do, I tried to go back to sleep. Didn't work but I did try.

Couldn't really wash my hair because I could not see what my scalp looked like and I was afraid I would make it bleed again, so I took a lukewarm shower and rinsed the blood out but that was it. When I got to work I asked Ysabel, who I still share a brain with even though we don't work in the same area anymore, to come look at my head so I knew what the damage was. I was picturing slashes, maybe a nice flap of skin barely adhered to my scalp - no. Not anything nearly so dire. Two punctures. Two holes in my head and a big red spot or abrasion. No stitches needed, no having to report my cat to the authorities lest she dance on someone else's head and be considered a menace. Two punctures.

Only a small amount of blood ended up on the shirt I was sleeping in, nothing on my pillow or carpet, although I did have to clean up the floor and the sink and vanity in the bathroom. Yes, this is the kind of thing I sleep in. I only show you to make you feel better about your own sleep attire.

I know you want to know which cat it was and I can tell you in all honesty - I'm not sure. I suspect it was Abby (the evil one) because she is the night prowler who always knows when something is outside to get freaked out about. And being the crazy cat lady I am - I can't blame her. She didn't do it on purpose.

But I might start sleeping in some kind of helmet.
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SO-O-O True!

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Accidentally frugal

I'm an online shopper. Anyone who knows me knows that I would rather research something, search different shops and compare prices all day long on my computer than take one 20 minute run to the store. I really should get out to do some hands on shopping more often because it's not unusual for me to accidentally save money when I do!

Pillows. I needed pillows for the bed in my daughter's/guest room. Taking my life in my hands I went to Wal-Mart. I simply hate that store because it's where people go who bring 12 children and don't watch them, they bring all their relatives and see nothing wrong with blocking an entire aisle while grandma and cousin Anna argue the pros and cons of a certain brand of toilet paper! But I digress.

Pillows. Found 'em! For $2.50 a piece. Should I repeat that? TWO DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS!!! A lady in line behind me when I was paying asked me how much they were and HUGGED me when I told her. I swear! I bought 4. Oh and I checked, they aren't filled with little lead painted children's toys from China either.

After surviving Wal-Mart I went to get my hair cut at my usual Super-Great-Clips-Sams or whatever it is. Not only did the gal do exactly as I asked her to, but when I went to pay - it was only $7.99!!! Normally it's only $12.00 anyway, but there was a HUGE sign on the window I didn't see advertising the special price. I am so unobservant sometimes it's scary.

This is the haircut. I wanted it shorter in back, and longer in the front, leaning towards a bob. I know it's not long enough on the sides yet but she cut the back nice and short so I was happy.

As you can see, taking pictures with cats around can be a challenge.

You can't SEE me!

What?

Oh - and what's up with spell-check on Blogger??? It wants me to split words up and tells me "special" could possibly be spelled "racial"? It's been this way for a while but I swear it's getting worse.

WHAT was it thinking???

I could hear Norah scratching around in the kitchen and I could tell it was different than her normal weirdness. Going in there to investigate I found her scratching around the base of a free-standing pantry I have, first one side and then the other. I watched for a minute and remarked "oh Norah, did you find a spider??" She was excited, I could tell. She started scratching on the side against the wall where I had slid some paper shopping bags so I pulled the bags out to hopefully help Norah find her prize. After all, whatever she wants to be chasing isn't something I want in my house.

I was holding the shopping bags in one hand and a flash light in the other, looking between the pantry and the wall and I couldn't see anything. Nothing alive anyway. Norah looked at me and kind of kitty-whined at me. So I shook the shopping bag to get the cobwebs off it and whoops! Out dropped an itty bitty tiny little black MOUSE. Now in the interest of full disclosure here, I am not afraid of mice. I will get skeeved out much more quickly if there is a spider involved. And while I know I don't want mice in my house, they are unclean and their droppings carry disease, it doesn't stop me from thinking they're cute. It makes me sad because this little guy must die.

Norah chased it (like it needed to be chased at that point) into the utility room where the washer and dryer and 3 ginormous litter boxes live. There was no way I was going to catch it in there, once it got under or behind the washer and dryer - well - the mouse is way faster than I am. It won. For now.

Sigh-h-h. The bad thing about mice is that they can get into a house so easily - and once they do - they are hard to get out. And I hate killing them - maybe I'll use a no-kill trap, we'll see. But oh my gosh I have 4 cats! While they are pretty useless at actually killing insects and the like, they sure will detect something like that in the house! What was that little guy thinking when he came in here? I know, it's warm. But there are 4 cats! Didn't this little mouse have any sense of smell at all?

So it begins. Looking for mouse poop, anything chewed on or scattered where it shouldn't be. I will have to figure out what to do about the cat food - since that is the only food product that is even close to the ground in my house.

When I saw the mouse honestly - my first thought was - oh no, this is going to take some work. Ugh. My son is completely unfazed and appears perfectly willing to live with a mouse or mice in the house. Not a problem for him. So I will become - the mouse hunter - da da da dum!!! Except without the leotard or cape. Wish me luck.


**Added - That only food that pantry holds is cat food in cans. Otherwise it is mostly plastic containers, paper towels, garbage bags, etc. If he's looking for something to eat in there, he's out of luck!

The ginormous litter boxes are here!

The ginormous litter boxes are here!

Enjoy the fabulous-ness!



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And a bed fit for a king!

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He just seems so fragile these days.






He seemed to know it was for him, and acted accordingly.





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Cat butts, hot flashes and toilets. Fun!

Crabby old man cat had to go to the vet yesterday and nothing goes better together than 90 degree sweaty skin and cat hair. Yum! I literally had to grab a tissue and wipe my brow as well as dip down into the cleavage. I’m getting used to the varying temperatures of my body lately but c’mon, at the vet??

They took Riley’s blood, used a little pediatric blood pressure cuff on him to get his pressure, managed to get some urine from him and put some stain in his eye because he was doing the pirate thing again. The stain is for a better look. I need to start giving him the eye ointment again. Also came home with some glucosamine for him (arthritis) and of course – he won’t have anything to do with it.

Heard back from the doc today – his blood work looks good and so does his urine and she needs to see his eye again in a few days. Oh, did I mention she asked if I wipe his butt for him? Um no, I mean, I dipped his backend in the tub once when he was having some problems but generally, no. So she went on to tell me about how old cats get arthritic and have trouble cleaning themselves well and how he would appreciate it if I got some baby wipes and wiped his butt maybe once a day for him. Um . . ? Is this necessary? I mean the cat is spoiled enough, you tell me to feed him whenever he wants me to, and now you want me to wipe his butt? How much is he payin’ you Doc, I’ll double it!

I mean really!

Then today was all about the bathroom at my house. My daughter is visiting and my son is home (week off from work) so with one bathroom it can get uncomfortable. But with NO bathroom it’s unacceptable. Which is why both of my children left and I got to stay home not daring to eat anything and mentally constipating myself. Fun!!! But – now the bathroom is working again, I caulked around the bottom of the toilet and put the fancy new seat on the throne the BF bought for me. Very nice! So now maybe all of us can get back to normal.

But . . . . I just don’t know if I’m going to rush right out and get those baby wipes any time soon, I’ll have to think about that one! I have to draw the line somewhere, right?

Single, white (gray&black) female. Cats.

Remember that movie? Single White Female? Sam is heartbroken over the breakup with her boyfriend, and needs a new roommate. The girl who she accepts seems nice enough, but slowly starts to morph. Into Sam. She starts to dress like her, cuts her hair like her, and eventually it turns into a psycho slasher flick with the roommate trying to kill Sam to completely take over her life.

I'm afraid I have something similar going on at my house.

Jake has always been the alpha female (is there such a thing?) at our house. She would sleep with me, curled against my chest under the covers with her head resting on my arm. Every night. Slowly Abby (the evil one) has taken over that spot. It was sporadic at first but eventually Jake stopped trying to get the night time spot because Abby was always there first.

If I ever napped during the day which I rarely do anymore, Jake was always there to cuddle under the blanket with me on the couch. It seemed to make her so happy. Now, more than likely when Jake tries to burrow under the blanket, she comes nose to nose with Abby. Jake turns away in disgust.

One place that has always been associated with Jake in our house is the bathroom. She wants to go in there with me (or anybody else for that matter) because she wants them to turn the faucet on so she can drink some water at the sink. I know that when I head to the bathroom Jake is right behind me.

Today I walked into the bathroom and went right to the faucet. I turned on the water, adjusting so it was coming out at the right speed and turned to my right expecting to see Jake sitting on the toilet waiting for me to move so she could jump up on the counter. There was a cat sitting there all right. It was Abby. Jake was outside the doorway looking in - seeing one more time Abby had taken her place.

I'm starting to wonder if I need to keep sharp objects away from Abby for Jake's safety. I know she doesn't have opposable thumbs but I'm thinking the evil part might override that. It's just an .. uneasy feeling these days. Did you feel that chill?

Would YOU be ready?

Signs ...
















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Their powers are too strong ..

Every weekend I look forward to sleeping late Saturday and Sunday mornings. And every weekend there are 4 cats who work together to keep that from happening.

First culprit, Riley. He starts by making Marge Simpson "mmmmm" noises. With his thyroid disorder he is hungry all. the. time. Yet he does have dry food out all. the. time. But when the sun starts to even hint at rising Riley knows in his heart of hearts it is time for that wet nasty food that comes out of a can. So he mmm's from the floor next to the bed, he mmms from the night table next to the bed, then he meows in my face standing half on the night table and half on the bed. If I don't open my eyes for a while, sometimes - he goes away.

Next is Jake. Jake starts by yodeling plaintively from the bathroom because you know the 2 bowls of water in the kitchen and the cup of water on the bathroom sink are not enough, she needs me to sit on the toilet while she drinks to make it satisfying. When I don't come to her calls she comes to me. She meows from the floor next to the bed before she jumps up. Her next course of action is to touch my face. The pads of her paws are always cold and she touches my cheek, my nose, my mouth. She gets so close that if I open my eyes she looks all distorted like one of those big-headed aliens with those huge dark almond shaped eyes. But - Jake can be bought. I lift the covers and let her crawl under and she will turn around and rest her head on my arm and settle in for a nap with me. I win for a little while longer.

That is - until Norah decides it's time to wake me. Norah is a big kitty, a full-figured girl. So when she jumps up on the bed these days I usually feel it. She has a teeny tiny meow and she rarely uses it. She uses her annoyance ability. She goes to the night table by the window and climbs up on the radio, sticking her head behind the blinds. For a second. She pulls her head back and the blinds smack against the window. She does it again. And again. I almost always have to say something or wave my hand to get her to stop. But she's nothing if not persistent - next she goes for the box of kleenex. It's on a sewing table at the end of the bed. She tries to eat it. She pulls an individual tissue out of the box and chews it and if she can't get it out of the box (which is almost always) she grabs hold and tosses her head - which flings the box onto the bed. Once there - she grabs tissue with her mouth and shreds it, picking and choosing which pieces she wants to ingest.

Norah really is the sweetest cat but omg she can be irritating. When I shoo her away from the kleenex she decides she will jump up onto my dresser which can be a delicate business because of the cluttered nature of the top of the dresser. Norah is not delicate. She does several rocking motions before she propels herself up and over, jostling several things, papers and bottles and pens and such. She makes a turn or 2 in place which always reminds me of the elephant (I'm sorry Norah) at the circus balancing with all 4 feet on top of a drum. Then she jumps back to the bed. She does it several times until I make her stop.

Making Norah stop her annoying activities jostles Jake who meows, alerts Riley that I am actually awake who quickly returns in full meow. I sit up and look and there are 3 cats in my room all looking at me, expecting me to get up. So I finally do. And as I make my way out of the bedroom I can see into the bead room where I see Abby (the evil one) stretch and stand and jump down from her perch where she has been observing from a comfy quilt. I suspect she uses her powers to turn the others into her evil minions to do her bidding every weekend. Once they have succeeded, she joins the rest on their way to breakfast.

I'm pretty sure I never stand a chance.

It's a cat-asrophe! As Usual.

So, I was sleeping, right? The TV was still on so it had to be within 2 hours of going to bed. I heard a noise and knew right away it involved a cat and blinds. Even in my sleep. Somehow I can tell if a strange noise is related to a cat or a person or perhaps the weather. I’m a good sound interpreter when I am sleeping.

Okay, I heard a noise so I lifted my head, opened my eyes, and looked toward the window. Yep. Cat. Abby, the evil cat who bites, great, I get to get injured in the middle of the night. She was sitting on the window sill between the blinds and the window, but her head was completely through the blinds – looking into the room. And she looked like she was a bit stuck and about to have a hissy fit to remove herself. Arg-h-h. All I need to do is help her pull her head back to the other side of the blinds and I can go back to sleep. That was my thought.

I crawled over and grabbed the blinds with one hand and pulled them towards me while pushing Abby’s open mouthed head toward the window. Good, her head went back through, she wasn’t stuck, I could go back to sleep. Except that wasn’t the case.

Abby turned to get out from between the blinds and the window and as she jumped toward the floor I saw she was tangled in the cord from the blinds. I managed to catch her mid-jump (without getting bit) but not before she had reached the end of the cord and was hanging with the cord wrapped around her middle and somehow around her tail as well. And as she realized that her paws were not touching the floor I had a wild thought having to do with leaving her there for interrupting my sleep but – I thought better of it and helped her escape.

As I dropped off to sleep I remember thinking about the cats and how if one of them isn’t yelling at me for food, another one is climbing into my lap or yet another one is demanding water from the bathroom faucet. I cannot walk without tripping over or being followed by one and omg the HAIR!!! They take turns sleeping with me and they wait for me to come home from work every day. For the most part – I enjoy them. But I could enjoy TWO just as much (and probably more) than FOUR!!!

Never again.

Bring it on!

My tree is not finished. My Christmas tree, that is. I am obsessive about all of it, from the lights to the ornaments to centering the tree in front of the window. It's crazy really, I have no business having a tree this size in the house I live in, with mostly grown kids. There are no toddlers running out in the morning all sleep tousled and wide eyed at the spectacle of tree and presents and the miracle of Santa.

The only one wide eyed at my house, is me. And I love my tree! It just takes me a while to get it done. Yesterday I got the tree itself up, the lights on and most of my "base" ornaments. Because you know, there is an order to all of this. Lights, then garland, this year I used strands of big pearl-like beads, then the glass ball ornaments, the glass icicles, and then all the other stuff. And there is a lot of 'other stuff'.

By the time I went to bed last night my hands and my back were aching, but the tree being on a timer - I could see the glow from my room and I was happy. Until I heard my son on his way to the bathroom saying "Cat? Are you in there?"

Andy doesn't talk to the cats. Andy pretty much just ignores the cats, except Norah. He will pet her every once in a while if she puts herself right in front of him at petting level. But for the most part Andy and the cats just co-exist in my house. For him to be addressing a cat directly was worrisome so when I called out to ask what was going on - I was already half out of bed. He thought one of the cats might be in the tree but he wasn't sure.

We both stood there and squinted but nothing moved so Andy continued on to the bathroom. Then the tree gave a little quiver. I knew exactly which one it would be so when I said "Abby . ." very firmly, the tree shook some more. When I said "Abby get out of there!" I saw the tremor move down the tree and a cat plop out onto the floor.

Abby is the evil one. The one who bites. And she is also the one that people would vote most likely to climb a Christmas tree, so I knew it was her. Following her exit I pointed the spray bottle at her. The holiday wars have begun.

Any guesses?

What do you think this means?

. . . or this?

And of course there is this . . .

I'm thinking you know, don't you?

Some random truths, cat truths.

"As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind."
- Cleveland Amory


"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley


"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch."
- Leo Dworken


"Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."
- Mark Twain Notebook, 1894


"Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you."
- Mary Bly


"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."
- George Mikes from "How to be decadent


"For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat."
- Anonymous


" There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
- Anonymous


"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
- Anonymous


"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
- Hippolyte Taine


"If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much."
- Mark Twain


"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- English Proverb


"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
- Unknown


And my personal favorite:


"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
- Unknown