Today is that day.

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I now know that the main entrance to the hospital closes at 8:00 p.m. and the only place to enter after that time is through the E.R.  I know where to park during the day and where to park in the evening.  I can find my way from the E.R. to the "south tower" after hours through hallways old and new.  I am starting to recognize E.R. staff as well as some of the nurses and aides on a couple of different floors.  I never wanted this knowledge.

My mom went from being a hospital patient to a hospice patient today.  It's tough to be the one making these decisions but my brain knows this is the right one.  My heart on the other hand .. feels the pain of being the one to say no to any more "treatment" and yes to meds and options that bring comfort and support.  No to trying to fix things and yes to things that ease the process and allow my mom the dignity she deserves.  It's hard not to second guess decisions as important as these.  But I think it's harder to see someone you love struggle and suffer only to give them more time - to struggle and suffer some more.

You really can't be wearing make-up while making these decisions either.  You can consider that advice if you'd like to.

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