Wednesday, September 12, 2007

What happened? I mean, really?

I know the answer. I know what it will take, I know how to do it, I have done it in the past. I have everything I need to do it.

Except motivation. Except whatever it takes to get my butt off the couch, get me off the computer, or get me out of the kitchen.

Exercise. Agh-h-h-h!!! Never been athletic, never been good at sports and instead of wanting to be picked first for games, I shrunk into the background hoping not to be picked at all.

When I was a stay at home Mom for a few years, and after that when I worked nights, I was able to get an actual work out in, 5 to 6 times a week. I used to get on my treadmill in the heat of summer and enjoy feeling the sweat run off my face and my body. Somehow it validated what I was doing. Look! I’m sweating like the proverbial pig! I am burning calories and firming muscles!!!

Lately though, there are so many reasons why I am not working out. So many reasons why I can’t. I mean, my exercise equipment is out in the garage. The garage is full of spiders and we all know how I feel about those. My treadmill is in the house but there is no room to face it toward the TV and I get too bored just listening to my ipod or staring at the curtains or through the window at my backyard.

I have no energy. I’m tired all of the time which of course is in no way related to the lack of exercise in my daily life.

You want to know what really happened? Okay. Oh, this is hard to admit. I was already heavier than I wanted to be. I was waffling (with whipped cream please) between the best way to exercise and was actually doing some of it. This was oh-h-h, 2 years ago and some change. So what happened to my activity level and my good intentions?

I got a laptop.

Seriously. And I got wi-fi.

Before I got the laptop I shared a computer (read begged to get
on every now and then) with my children. I enjoyed my time on the computer, teaching myself how to use it and navigating the Internet (read online shopping) for the first time. What can I say, I was late to the party.

My weight has moved up steadily, actually at an alarming rate, since I have had the luxury of taking my laptop wherever I want to in the house, sitting down with it and being automatically connected to the Internet. Preferably with the TV on mostly for background, I sit. I type, I click, I read blogs.

I must do something. This laptop, this Internet, they are my drug. I quit smoking about 5 years ago. I have shown I can do things when I put my mind to it. But for some reason at this point in my life I want to just enjoy myself. And I enjoy my laptop!!! And finger foods. I love anything you eat with your hands, candy corn, cheeze-its, Indian corn, things that rattle when you shake the bag or box. Oh and ice cream. Premium ice cream if you please.

It’s bad. It’s out of control.

So, I bought the DVD, another one. I’ve had it for about 5 days and I have managed to open the case. I took a picture of it. I haven’t quite gotten around to popping it in the DVD player, but that’s next, really!

Cause you know all of these other tapes and DVDs have been opened too – and some even made it into their respective players. Rarely has my body moved along with these perky or muscle bound instructors.

But I have a secret this time. I do good with things for dummies. Anything for dummies speaks to me so this DVD has to be the one that works! Yes, it’s the DVD that will do it!

But right now, I think I’ll have a little snack before bed and put more thought into this in the morning. Sheesh. And to think I used to be able to skip a meal and see my hip bones by morning.

This is work now.


AmandaD said...

Oh BetteJo, it just takes one step. You'll do it. After all each pound you carry and each point your cholesterol and blood pressure go up, they're each precious time taken from you down the line- one less giggle at the quirkiness of children, one less time you can be there to answer the phone with one of you dear kids on the phone, less time to have love spontaneously find its way back to you, one less beaded creation.

You'll do it because so many of us care about you. Period.

Mahala said...

When I went to the doc the other day, she actually mentioned surgery. Just the thought that the doctor would bother mentioning it has scared the heck out of me. I may never eat again lol.

palette48 said...

bette jo,

You have done it (exercise) before so I know you will find your way back to it again. I used to have a walking buddy and that helped so much. We walked 3 miles 2X a week. We did it for about 5-6 years until she tore her hamstring. She never recovered and so my walking days were over.That's when I turned to biking. Also it is easier that I am not working outside the home. I feel for you because I know it it tough to come home and exercise when you are tired from a long day at the office. I hope you will find the motivation to get back on that treadmill again.

BetteJo said...

Amanda- Such incredibly sweet words, and you're right. About all of it. Well, I hope the last part too. :)

Mahala - Surgery, yikes! I think that would scare me too although my high cholesterol and stuff hasn't done it. And somehow when faced with some chocolate, those things become white noise in the background. Not good.

Palette- Oh you sound so doggone disciplined, that's my biggest problem. I can find an excuse why I can't do something in a heartbeat. But you're right, I have done it before and I certainly want to be a Grandma someday now that my babies aren't babies anymore. So - I have to muster up the - whatever it is I'm missing!!

Pawhealer said...

okay.....I think your doing pretty good...If I even look at finger foods I get fat....that being said...One step at a time....

Here is how I do it, every few days you give up something, anything, really small things. That way, as you start heading the right directions its not a shock and your not as hungry.

And I know about sitting on the computer! We're both probably on at the same time, all the time!

You could diet with me! Egg whites and corn tortillas...Yum

Lavender said...

Oh BetteJo - I so know what youre talking about! This is another reason I wanted the bike - it would get me away from the computer! But finding the motivation when one feels so sluggish, thats hard... the only thing I find that works for me is starting slowly - like deciding to just do 15 minutes each day. Funny thing is, the more you do it the easier it gets - and soon an hour is not enough LOL!
Remember - slow and steady wins the race and you'll be right Mate!

Robin Marie said...

Hey there girly-o!

I found the biggest hurdle for me was the food. I hate to exercise, so I didn't even touch that for a while. The food is essential though. I made myself eat healthy foods, foods I prepared myself, for myself. The better I ate, the more energy I had. The more energy you have the easier it is to exercise.

Computers are evil, they're the destroyers of waistlines and toned muscles. I had trouble with my weight when I first got my own computer, a good four years of trouble, before I finally got out of it.

It's worth it, and you can totally do it!!!

BetteJo said...

Pawhealer - by virtue of the fact that you obviously work very hard to have the body you do - you have exactly what I lack, as I have said, discipline. It's an enigma to me.

Lavender - yeah, the coming home from work, being the single mom, it all kind of gives me the excuse "I deserve that time to relax". Another excuse tho. Thanks for being so supportive!

Robin Marie - where the heck have you been?? I hope your absence just means you are busy and occupied! Unfortunately - when you get to the age where you are approaching menopause, just changing your diet rarely works. It did for me when I was your age, for sure. But now my metabolism is at zero. Hence the need to move - I need to push that metabolism back up so I burn some of the fuel I put in my body! If course, cutting out things like candy corn would help I'm sure. :)

Jenn said...

You can do it! I am right there in that boat with you and am trying to kick myself into gear. I love food. I just know I have to exercise because the diet thing? So not going to happen with me.

You can do it. You will do it. You are not alone.