Friday, November 28, 2008

Oh no, not again!

I've talked about my financial difficulties, I make no secret of the fact that being a single mom without a lot of training in anything particular has made life problematic at times.

There have been times when I have been around people who are discussing what they are doing to their house, whether it be a remodel or repairs or buying new appliances. That's fine, good for them. I can be happy for them but I generally don't join in those conversations because I really haven't got anything to add.

Sometimes though, I have been drawn in and inevitably, I get THE question.

"Well, why don't you BUY a house?"

That's usually asked in response to something I have said about renting. Hmm-m-m. Why don't I buy a house? I suppose I'm just stupid and prefer to give my money to a landlord which is like flushing it down the toilet as opposed to buying something that might build, oh, equity??? Yes. I am THAT stupid.


People really don't think before they speak sometimes. And it's not uncommon for people to think that because they work at the same place and probably make close to the same amount of money, their circumstances must be the same.
Um, NO.

When I answer the question honestly, these people tend to look at me like I've just told them I enjoy mosquitoes flying up my nose or something. I DON'T HAVE A DOWN-PAYMENT. Yes, I could afford a mortgage payment. I would freaking LOVE a mortgage payment. But when you live check to check, not able to save anything because all the money goes to bills and food and kids, and you have to juggle buying Christmas presents with which bill you might have to put off for a little while, there

So don't ask that question when you find out someone rents. I suppose there are people out there who do not want the responsibility of owning anything, or have other reasons why they find renting to be a perfect situation for them.

But I'm willing to bet that a lot of them - would rather own their own home be it a condo, townhouse, or single family dwelling. And some of them, like me, might be willing to give up a limb or maybe a major organ to have their own place, so asking why I don't BUY a house - can be really ignorant and hurtful. Oh, and in my mind - it's rude, to boot.

All I'm asking is for people to be aware that the person they sit beside at work, on the train, stand beside in line at the grocery store - have their own circumstances and their own story, and it is most likely very different from your own.

Just sayin'.

**Edited - I corrected my misplaced apostrophe. (mosquito's) But I had to use spell-check to spell apostrophe. :)


Lavender said...

Simple cynical explanation:

People are idiots!

But really, I understand where you are at there, and its probally not much comfort but, they say stupid things about ALOT of things that not everyone can do (Ummm, I might not be making sense to you, but I am to me!)

So in short:

People are idiots. Those that arent full blown idiots often are just suffering from "Foot in Mouth Disease".


SortaFlowering Designs said...

I know what you mean, it seems like a huge point of pride to be a homeowner, but right now I feel a bit like the lucky one as a renter, with how some mortgage payments have gone through the roof and become huge burdens.

by the way I can't believe anyone (sane) would make a comment like that in this economy, I have heard rumors as to it costing 50% down with GOOD credit to secure a home loan right now. eek!

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

I hear ya. Unfortunately, people will ask those rude questions, and it can be upsetting! To me, any of those "why don't you..." questions are implying that we are stupid, wasteful, spendthrifts, or all three!!! ARGH! People have no idea about other people's obligations or circumstances and shouldn't be going around asking such questions, IMHO!!! I never have a snappy comeback for them, though. Mainly I just put on a zonked stare and just stare at them awhile. Muttering in German or French can also confuse them. Works for me!

BetteJo said...

Ooooh, wish I knew another language to mutter in . . .

gina said...

we did not have money for a downpayment, either. So, we did 100% financing with an ARM for a couple of years until the house appreciated enough to refinance. The payment was about the same as what we were paying in rent so waiting for a downpayment didn't make that much sense for our particular case.

That said, when shit breaks in my house, I sure wish I could call the landlord!

Good luck!

BetteJo said...

I won't do an ARM. The idea terrifies me - but I'm glad it worked for you! Also - it's just me, single income, so I don't have any room to fudge. :) Thanks for stopping by!

LadyBanana said...

I'm also a renter and have a dear friend who is always suggesting I should buy and seems to think there is something wrong with me for not doing so..

My circumstances have not been right to buy and I wish she'd get that into her thick head.. I cannot buy.. and ya know what I don't care anymore, life is too short to care, after all my parents bought late in life and sadly passed away within months. So just try to enjoy where you are now...

Jenn said...

I generally want to punch people in the face for having the audacity to even feel like it's their place to comment on my living situation, let alone actually comment.

I agree with your sentiments 100%. I have resigned myself to renting for at least the next ten years, and I'm fine with this. There are definite pros and cons to both situation, but given the current economic climate, the instability in the housing market, and the fact that I'm too busy raising my kids to worry about much else, I'm happy where I am.

I have many other things I'd rather be doing than dwelling on my dwelling place.

ireneintheworld said...

i have always rented bettejo and never wanted the albatross of a mortgage around my neck - i think people forget that mortgage = enormous LOAN! and i once corrected someone who was boasting that they owned their own house i asked if they had a mortgage and when they said yes i reminded them that they were in debt. x