Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Feeling it.

Many times in my life my happiness hinged on whether I was in a relationship and if I was - whether it was working or not.  You always hear that you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else, you have to wade through your own garbage before you can share it with someone else.  Er.. or something like that.  But none of the knowledge stored in my noggin made a damn bit of difference when it came to what I felt in my heart.  And my heart always seemed to be breaking.  

Fast forward several years and I have trouble reaching deep and touching those emotions again.  They are remembered but they are no longer felt.

 I do not believe I will ever be willing to marry again.  I have a feeling my relationships will always be a bit at arm's length.  Yet knowing these things I still find myself being content and satisfied with myself.  At peace even.  My kids are great and I am making moves in my life I never imagined doing on my own.  

It seems this is the season for realizing that life is good.  Pretty sure I've never felt it as much as I do now, and it feels amazing.

52 has been a very good year.



cindy said...

I think getting older has something to do with realizing life is good. After all, we have the years behind us to prove this year will be better. Oh did that make sense? Being at peace is great. You don't think you will re-marry? I said that also and I did. Merry Christmas wishing you all the best this year.

Teena in Toronto said...

So glad that life is good :)

BetteJo said...

Nah, I don't think I will get married again. I won't say absolutely not but right now I just can't see it. And I really have become very comfortable with my own habits, set in my ways I guess. Hard to share a house and a bed much less a whole life these days!

Lady Banana said...

I think hitting 50 changes you, I've definitely been seeing things differently since :)

BetteJo said...

Could be - Lady B. I've heard women say for a long time that this time in their life can be the best. Maybe I'm just embracing it.