Monday, November 29, 2010

She lives with me now.

The day I went back to work after my mom died, I had a lot of emails to go through.  There were so many things to catch up on, I did not get to my voicemail until the end of the day.  The very last voicemail was from 2 days before my mom had gone in the hospital.  And there she was on my phone telling me she didn't feel very well and didn't know if she would feel well when I came to see her that night.  Gave me a start for a second.  Had to wonder if it was like that joke you see carved on a tombstone - "I told you I was sick!!"

Here at home - a couple days before Thanksgiving my daughter asked me for a recipe so I got down my old recipe box and pulled a note out of it that basically advised me to get recipes from friends and my new MIL, keep them all and one day they would be memories as well as recipes.  And many of those cards - were written in my Mom's hand.

Got a pension check for her today, put away the backpack I had brought to the hospital with me - only yesterday.  And today I signed up for a teleconference offered at work on grief and bereavement over the holidays.  I mean, I'm doing okay but - little things keep popping up I'm not expecting so it certainly can't hurt, right?

And .. I'm trying to keep Mom in the spirit of the Christmas season.  I'm sure that as Christmas gets closer there may be more things keeping her company than a kiss and a dark chocolate candy bar in a stocking, but who knows.  I wonder if my brothers would think posting this picture is in poor taste. But hey, they left Mom with me and I know - she always did like attention.  :)



Anonymous said...

Consider that message as a sign from your mom that she is still with you, even if only in spirit! It's been 18 months since my sister passed and the other day the phone rang and played the Nutcracker Suite and announced, "Call from Kathy" Now , yes, our phone was set up while she was sick to announce her that way, but it's been over a year since it has! On Thanksgiving when I told the story, everyone smiled and agreed , she was just letting us know that she's still with us! Look for the little signs, the reminders of her, quirky as they may be, you'll find they give you comfort. God Bless, Cindie

Mahala said...

(((((hugs)))) I love the picture :)

Anonymous said...

I think its very sweet that you can keep your mom close to you that way. I have recipes that were written by my grandmother and they mean so much to me. I think they always are watching out for us we just don't always know it. (((hugs)))

The Beading Gem said...

We take comfort from whatever reminds us of those we loved. I wear my grandmother's ring everyday.

Diane at Crafty Passions said...

Take comfort where ever you can,if it helps so be it!!
In my news its getting exciting....
My MIL is going into a nursing home tomorrow....... I am happy and sad... a page turning in my big book of life...
I tell them all who judge me... walk a mile in my shoes and see how it feels....

BetteJo said...

Cindie - thanks so much and I hope you're doing well!

Mahala - thanks, but I really need to start using my camera instead of my phone!

Tonya - yeah I have no doubt she's hanging around. I just wish she would make me exercise!

Pearl - yes, and I have the bracelet Mom wore (that I made) which I am wearing now.

Oh Diane that is fabulous news! You have done more than your share and by gosh people should know that! Enjoy a bit of freedom from those responsibilities!

Teena in Toronto said...

Your mom will always be with you in your heart :)

My sister joined a bereavement group when our mother died four years ago and it helped her a lot.

Lavender said...

The first year is the worst, especially the birthdays and holidays - but all those 'first times' that come up, like youve described here - they are an important part of the grief process, so when they catch you off guard like that, just try to give yourself the time to process them as they come up...after the first year, it does start to get better, although it doesnt seem possible at the time.
I think the bereavement conf. is a good idea - you might second guess your decision to participate, but try not to miss it.
And I love the idea of the chocolate, why the hell not, right? Do whats right for you and tell the rest to bug off. Hugs!

thotlady said...

I found that you have to do what you have to do, to help with your grieving. Whatever that is.

We didn't put away our dogs food dish, dog bed, or a calendar that hung on our wall still on the month and year he died. How crazy is that? He died in 2003 and we took the calendar down several years later. I just couldn't bare it.

You hang in there. Holidays can be difficult after a loved one has recently passed.