Thank you to all of you who expressed your sympathies on my mothers passing. It's a wonderful place this blog land, isn't it? I do appreciate all the kind words. It makes a difference, truly.
Feeling a bit like I've been submerged under the sea for 15 days and am now coming up to the surface a little at a time, adjusting to each small distance as I slowly move through it.
The last time I was at work was on October 21st, and will not be going back until November 11th. In 23 years that is the longest I have ever been away and I'm a bit nervous about going back. Feeling a bit fragile I guess, worried about the stress.
While Mom was in the nursing home and even in the hospital I was thinking about her. Making sure she had what she needed, visiting, keeping her company, and sitting on an ottoman next to her bed (in the hospital) holding her hand still felt like I was doing something. Even after she was gone I felt a need to circle the wagons and close the circle around her so no one not intimately involved in her life would wander into our small group of family as we grieved.
This morning my brothers went home. One to New Jersey, one to Washington state. There is no nursing home to go to now, no hospital to hurry to, Mom doesn't need me to care for her anymore. No laundry to do other than my own, no copious amounts of chocolate to buy.
And honestly? I'm not sure how to start again, where to go from here. If anyone knows where my reset button is, please let me know. Because I'm a little freaked out.
Monday, November 8, 2010