Monday, November 8, 2010

It's a new day

*
Thank you to all of you who expressed your sympathies on my mothers passing.  It's a wonderful place this blog land, isn't it?  I do appreciate all the kind words.  It makes a difference, truly.

Feeling a bit like I've been submerged under the sea for 15 days and am now coming up to the surface a little at a time, adjusting to each small distance as I slowly move through it.

The last time I was at work was on October 21st, and will not be going back until November 11th.  In 23 years that is the longest I have ever been away and I'm a bit nervous about going back.  Feeling a bit fragile I guess, worried about the stress.

While Mom was in the nursing home and even in the hospital I was thinking about her.  Making sure she had what she needed, visiting, keeping her company, and sitting on an ottoman next to her bed (in the hospital) holding her hand still felt like I was doing something.  Even after she was gone I felt a need to circle the wagons and close the circle around her so no one not intimately involved in her life would wander into our small group of family as we grieved. 

This morning my brothers went home.  One to New Jersey, one to Washington state.  There is no nursing home to go to now, no hospital to hurry to, Mom doesn't need me to care for her anymore.  No laundry to do other than my own, no copious amounts of chocolate to buy.

It's done.

And honestly?  I'm not sure how to start again, where to go from here.  If anyone knows where my reset button is, please let me know.  Because I'm a little freaked out.


*

8 Comments:

Diane at Crafty Passions said...

I wish I had a reset button too, that would be wonderful.
From this day forward you take it one day at a time,no more than that.
You will shy away from people for a while because your emotions are on the surface and raw,some people are wonderful with words they know just what to say, some people will never have tact when it comes to other peoples feelings.Just do what relaxes you and take care of yourself.
Diane

BetteJo said...

Started to cry when I called the phone company to cancel my mom's cell phone. Had to tell them she passed away - didn't think I would cry. Felt like a goon.

Tonya said...

Sorry, there is no reset button. It's an automatic function that happens after some time has passed. Like Diane said, just take care of yourself. That is really all you can do.

MsCatMinder said...

A new journey , a new start each day on a different phase of your life . And days when you might wish you were back on the old phase . Blog friends will be here waiting to hear how its going ... and hoping you will feel up to telling us .
Sorry about the phone business.
Its the unexpected things that are the hardest ... with me , a woman with the same accent as my sister in law(two years after she died) took the wind right out of my sails and had me crying in the lingerie dept of Marks and Spencer. Not Good . But nothing I could do . Floodgates moment . Hey Ho .

The Beading Gem said...

I have to agree, there is no reset button. Time will heal. Hang in there.

Teena in Toronto said...

Take it slowly.

Stimey said...

One foot in front of the other. Take care of yourself, okay?

Susannah said...

Wonderful advice here. You folks are just lovely. BetteJo~ you've got some good company here.