Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Ever have one of those days . . .

Crap day at work. One of those days when you are crazy busy but at the end of it feel like you've been running in place all day and haven't moved forward at all. Toward the end of the day a co-worker came to visit my little cubby/office/room to tell me he had just resigned. Circumstances beyond his control forced his hand, and he is leaving. Forces having nothing to do with work. Suffice it to say he does not want to leave but his personal life requires him to right now.

ANYWAY! Can't I ever use just a couple of words? No. I should be used to my wordiness by now. So he came to tell me he was leaving and it made me very sad. Not only is he leaving, but tomorrow is his last day!

Have you ever had a new person start in your office, who you just knew was not going to fit in? And conversely, someone new who seemed to fill a gap you didn't know you had and just "got you" right from the get-go? Yeah, that's him. The 2nd one. A twinkle in his eye and fancy square toed shoes, a Latin dancer with a heart of gold. I will miss him bunches.

As I was talking to this guy/co-worker/friend - my brother called and left a message on my phone. My brother lives in New Jersey, and my mom lives with him. He is actually ill himself, but my mother wanted to live with "a man in the house" because you know, if the hot water heater goes out, he will know what to do. I didn't say it made sense.

He told me that mom has been falling down on a daily basis and she is starting to hurt herself. It's getting to the point that when he leaves for work he worries about what he will find when he gets home. It is time to discuss our next step. Brother #1 told me that brother #2 is visiting him and Mom right now, and apparently does not want to talk about "the next step. He says "oh but she'll be sad, she'll get depressed . . " and is coming up with all kinds of reasons not to even think about her living anywhere but where she is now. Considering HE lives in the northwest - all the freaking way across the country - it's easy for him to sit in his home thinking (hoping, wishing) that my mom is just fine alone all day when in reality she is probably going bing! bing! BING! And ricocheting around brother #1's house all day like it's a pinball machine. I'm not angry with him, and I'm not saying out of sight out of mind. It's just - if you don't want to face something - it's easier to do long distance.

We would all love to sit back and just imagine our mother is the same woman she always was. Well she's not. Time to grow up for all of us. Believe me, I would love to think my mom was aging gracefully and will be able to take care of herself until the day she dies. But it's not happening that way and we all have to put our big kid panties on and deal with it. It's irresponsible to ignore the fact that she may fall down, hurt herself, and could possibly have to lay in the same spot for hours until my brother gets home from work. Something she fears a lot, something happening and no one being there to help. She has her button - she can push it and get help fairly quickly, but it's simply getting to the point where she needs more than a button. We. Have. To. Address. It. Not a single one of us can stay home all day and take care of her. And not a single one of us is married (anymore) either. Hmmm, can you say dysfunctional?

So - I had to stop and pick up a prescription on my way home, and who can blame me for picking up some donut holes? Um. . . and a BabyRuth. That's it, I swear. But I AM going for a walk tonight. I'm an emotional eater, my weight is doomed.


Diane of Crafty Passions said...

My MIL lives with us and has some sort of dementia,its like living with a little child that makes dirty mess's everywhere and I AM talking gross dirty mess's ok.
4 siblings in that family, all are in denial except my hubby of course he knows how she is ,the other 3 all live out of town and to them Mom is just fine,older yes but just fine.HA!!
I invite them to come clean when Mom is done (bathroom) then insists she helps with a meal((I think not))She has a bath maybe once every 2-3 months.
Its not easy getting older with dignity intact.
But I will tell you this its not easy on me and I am not happy I cleaned many a poopy diaper for my kids long gone and grown, I dont want to do it now.And after all I am only the lowly daughter in law.
Yes we have to address it sooner than later.Hubby and I have no life outside the house because we have to keep her in mind for everything.its like having an 89 year old baby who insists she can take care of herself...... yeah right....
Eat lettuce leaves sounds like its gonna be a long one for you.....

Cynthia at A Shimmy in My Spirit said...

Some days there's just nothing else that will help but a Baby Ruth. Man that picture is making me want to get dressed and drive to the grocery store to buy one. Good thing my laziness is stronger than my desire for chocolate tonight - but not by much!

Sorry about your mom. I worry about mine as well.

The Beading Gem said...

Is it possible to find someone to drop by the house on a regular basis - a cleaner or even a carer for instance? That way Mum can stay where she is and there are extra eyes watching out for her.

Lady Banana said...

It's the most worrying thing when your parents get to be unable to care for themselves - I've been there and I know how traumatic it is.

Sadly both my parents have passed away now but we had several years of worry.

I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.

BetteJo said...

Diane - I don't envy your position, sounds like the other siblings need a good swift kick to take their turns!

all the latest in heavensville said...

I don't know how old your Mother is, but if she breaks a bone, it will be really difficult for her to recover.

My mother was 87, broke her leg, and she seemed fine, but the doctor told us she won't recover from this. I didn't believe it, but sure enough, six weeks later she passsed away. The trauma is just too much for their bodies at that age.

I hope you can avoid this with your Mother, I don't mean to scare you, but I believe knowledge is power. Good luck to you!