It's getting a tad bit easier. Really.

I have been writing a lot more on my 'Fat' blog than here lately. I'm sure it's because I have been insanely intense about trying to change my diet, forever. Let's face it. I grew up on Beefaroni, Mac n' cheese and tomato soup. After my parents divorced when I was 11 and it was pretty much just my mom and me, I ate what was available and what I wanted. My mom didn't get home from work till 7:30 in the evening and I was hungry way before that. So I would eat a can of something, make a box of something, or every once in a while I would broil a thinly cut steak. No microwaves back then yknow. Although I did eat frozen dinners, the ones that were in the foil trays. There was always a little cobbler or muffin or some kind of dessert-like portion, and you can imagine where the vegetables went. Not in my mouth, that's for sure. A lot of the time dinner was simply a Velveeta cheese sandwich on soft white bread with mayo. Mmm-m-m . . .

Every once in a great while my mom would leave some instructions and I would make a pot roast or some spaghetti with meat sauce for the the two of us. But that was rare.

And there was always chocolate ice cream and chocolate syrup in the house. Always. That was a food group all it's own in my house. Funny thing, I didn't really develop a taste for ice cream until well after I moved out of the house.

Today I posted about how I have been opting for natural foods, fresh foods, and God help me - even raw foods, over folded spindled and mutilated foods. I have been able to talk myself out of stopping on my way home from work and getting something to eat that's bad for me, and to enjoy the sweetness of a date or a cherry instead of a candy bar or donut.

There is very little doubt that I will continue to eat some of those bad things. I have not totally converted. But if I continue to eat the good things the majority of the time, having something bad now and then isn't going to be so bad. I just cannot allow myself to get to the point of being diabetic with high blood pressure and heart disease because of my weight. It's simply not acceptable to me anymore. If I end up with any of those things - I at least want to know it's not because I couldn't make myself get disciplined about what I stick in my mouth. There are other ways to develop those conditions but in my case - it's my weight. It's not a symptom of something else, it's the cause of things I am teetering on the edge of having.

This is the first time ever, that I feel like learning to eat in a healthy way is within my grasp. Of course it's always been out there. Obviously. But this is the first time I think I may be able to do this. And I'm kind of amazed!