Monday, March 23, 2009

Do I choose not to remember?

I know my vet's office staff must think I'm the weirdest pet owner ever. Or maybe the worst pet owner. Although I guess not the worst I mean - I go there, right? But I cannot remember how old my cats are. Riley is my crabby old man cat, but if you ask me how old he is I will say - 13, I don't know, maybe 14 this year.

He's 16.
And I have no doubt that the look of surprise on my face was enough to show Dr Judy that I really was surprised. Sixteen???? Dr Judy looked back at the chart. Yeah, he was born in '93. Hmmm.

I know I have talked about this before but it's all tied up with my divorce. The beginning of the divorce (the realizations, revelations, etc) did start in '93. My divorce was final in '95. Somewhere in between there my husband, soon to be ex, moved out and I took my kids and got 2 kittens to bring home.

But the '93 thru '95 space of time I have no clear memory of. I have clear memories of SOME things, but there are so many things I have blocked out and it amazes me every time it smacks
me in the face again. Now, all these years later, wouldn't you think that self-protective grip on those memories would have let loose by now? I mean - I have NO feelings about my divorce at all anymore. No anger about what happened between us as a couple, he was a cad but I wasn't a joy to live with either. The only trauma I still feel comes from my anger at the kind of father my ex turned out to be. Not one. That's what kind he has been. Not one.

Anyway, I'm just surprised the time frame still plays hide 'n seek with my brain when I look that direction.
So Riley is 16, which according to Dr Judy figures out to 80 years old in cat years. They must be different than dog years. So no wonder Riley is my crabby old man cat! He really IS old! Anyway. The small scratch on his eye is healing well, I will continue to treat it until Wednesday and if it stays looking okay - we're done with this malady. Thank goodness. I don't want Riley to suffer but damn! Going to the vet is expensive!! And .. it always kind of spooks me .. not remembering things from a whole space of time, it gives me a minor brush with senility I really don't like the feel of. Shudder..!


Lone Ranger said...

I have the same problem. I adopted two of my cats when they were already old, so I don't even have a firm birth date. The vet says they are about 14 and 16 -- or is it 15 and 17? I'm keeping careful track of my two younger cats, which are both about nine months.

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren BetteJo,

I hope the cranky old man gets well soon.

And PROTECTIVE, SELECTIVE memory doesn't necessarily mean senility. Some events from my childhood have been selectivly "removed" for my own physic health and well being.

As far as the ex not being a father; use it as a chance to talk to your kids about the impact of parenting or lack of parenting. Ask them to think about the effect of their father's behaviour on them and how they would feel to know they inflicted that same hurt on their children.

Always remember, that no one is entirely worthless. They can always serve as a bad example!

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Diane of Crafty Passions said...

Its called selective memory..LOL!!
Your ok all of us suffer from that ailment trust me your not alone.Its self prservation !
Take care

LadyBanana said...

That's a good age for a kitty..

I'm the same with the memory, particularly around the time of my divorce. I think it has something to do with the deep stress and upset I went through and the desire to put it all away.

Or it could be old

BetteJo said...

"Always remember, that no one is entirely worthless. They can always serve as a bad example!" - ah isn't that the truth! :)

I'm hoping it's just selective, protective memory but you would just think some of it would float loose by now.

The Beading Gem said...

16? My, he looks pretty good for his age. No wonder he is mellow around the "chicks" he lives with.

Brain fog is a helpful protective mechanism for a traumatic period for sure.