Thursday, April 2, 2009

I have a thing.


I have a thing. It's something that bothers me and I'm not sure which aspect bothers me more. The fact that she does this - or the fact that it bothers me that she does this. Okay, I'll spill. I work with a woman who is a bit of an older mom with a husband and one child. Said child is now a freshman in high school and heavily involved in sports.


Expectations are very high for - I'll call her Randi. Grades are A's and if not - why not? Her sports are taken seriously with both parents going to every single practice and every single game or meet possible. And Randi is good. Of course she does have the benefit of a good mind and some private coaching. When Randi wants something, Randi usually gets it. She's rarely in trouble although at this age she is starting to clash with her dad sometimes, but for the most part she is a good kid. Her parents know her friends, her friends parents, and know where she is at all times. No, they really do.

During work sometimes Randi's mom will go on the school's website to check on Randi's grades. She always knows what day there is a test, hell - she knows what TIME the test is. When her husband calls, Randi is what they talk about. Randi has practice, Randi needs her bag, Randi needs some protein before she goes to play ball.

There is some super emeshment going on there which may seem a bit weird to me because my family has always been the opposite. My mom was lucky if she ever knew where I was at that age, and when or if I was coming home. I was a rotten teenager with very few redeeming qualities. Maybe my mom didn't keep track because she was hoping one day I might just wander off and not come back. Whew! What a relief! Okay, she wouldn't have felt like that. But lets just say I gave her enough aggravation that I came home one night and found her drinking something nasty like blueberry brandy right out of the bottle. And my mom didn't drink.

Anyway.

I think I've said it before, I told my kids that their rooms were their own. I would not go through their stuff, they would have privacy. Unless of course they gave me cause. If there was cause I told them I would toss their rooms, turn them upside down until I was satisfied I had found anything I needed to find. Never had to do it.

Sometimes I think it's easier for me to feel 16 and comfortable leaving my diary open on my bed, than being an almost 50 year mother of 2 grown *sniff sniff* kids - whose privacy I respect. But I do. Respect their privacy I mean. So when this gal at work starts talking about some things I have a tendency to jump on her - and I always feel bad. It's not my place to tell her she's right or she's wrong, but DAMN! Honestly I can't help myself.

The last time was when she told me she went on to Randi's Facebook page, and saw a friend there that might not be a good influence. She called her husband and he went on Randi's Facebook page and blocked the friend! I about wigged out! He WHAT????? You have a good kid!! Why are you on her Facebook page? And even if it's okay with her that you look at her page - what's with dad BLOCKING someone on HER PAGE??? Okay, bloooooood pressssuuurrreee... ohm...

The next thing and most recent, and I kept my mouth mostly shut for this one, was "I went to Randi's Facebook page and one of her friends was asking one of her other friends whether Randi and he are back together again!" Wait a minute. You're SPYING on her??? "No, I'm not spying." But you're going on there with the sole reason of seeing if she's maybe seeing that young guy again, cause you think it's cute. Even though she's not supposed to have a boyfriend yet. "It IS cute. I just wanna seeeeee...!!!"

And for some reason this makes me crazy. Randi really is a good kid, the 'gets everything she wants' part is offset by the very high expectations for grades, appearance, manners, etc. She is so busy with her sports she would barely have TIME to get in any trouble. I just wish her mom would start loosening up the strings a bit. Let the kid have some thoughts even, that aren't monitored by mom and dad. Give her a little freedom to make her own mistakes. If the friend was a bad influence, talk to her but let her make the decision to remove the other kid. Don't do it FOR her without even telling her! And don't go to her Facebook page to see if that cute blond boy is coming around again. Don't you know how mortifying parents are to a young teenager!?!?? Let her tell YOU!

Guide her. Teach her. Give her a good solid foundation for her life. And then - let HER live it. TRUST her to live it.

6 Comments:

Teena in Toronto said...

My mother never trusted me ... it drove me nuts!

Bev's Jewelry said...

Well said! Two things will happen in the future 1) when she leaves home, what will the parents do? Acutally, that scares me a bit. Shades of the Barrones on Everybody loves Raymond.
2) Some day she will really resent the parents and then look out.
I can see why it all bothers you and I'd have a hard time keeping quiet too.
My daughter and I are both on Facebook but are not "friends" We have agreed to give each other space. (Well, she it in her 40's so it may be a bit different)

Diane of Crafty Passions said...

I never had to check on my daughter, I gave her a concience !!
She use to curse me for that.. hahaha..
And I was a good kid and teen, Mom always knew where I was...yes I know I was a nerd....

About the Delurking post I saw so many hits and not that many comments its starting to bug me I too saw it on another blog and decided to follow suit...
It starting to bug me... you wonder do they hate my blog? or is it a language thing , some are from Europe, so I ask why?
Diane

The Beading Gem said...

I couldn't agree more. If only parents like that could stop and think. Although cell phones are sure handy and kids think it's cool to have them, they don't realise the leash has gotten shorter!

LadyBanana said...

I agree, you have to give kids the time and place to make their own decisions and with those there will be some wrong decisions - that's how they learn!

Thankfully I was fairly free with my 3 kids and they have all grown up to be wonderful adults :)

Heather "Hev" said...

Goodness forbid that something happens that stops her sports career...

I know people similar and when they finally let the kids loose they went wild!!! A big difference though is these kids would get into trouble at school and the parents would go crazy at the teachers etc! It was always someone elses fault.

Whats the bet she has a fake facebook somewhere - or if she hasnt she soon will