No yoga tonight.

But I DID stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night! Okay, couldn't resist. Actually, I got on the treadmill tonight, and kept my heart rate up for 20 minutes. I did do a cool down but probably not enough. Or maybe my heart is still racing because I AM SO MAD!!!!

Before I got on the torture-mill, I was watching TV and came in a minute too late to see this woman introduced, but it's probably better that I don't know who she was because I might be forced to hunt her down and force feed her a box of Ho-Ho's and chase it with a Yoo Hoo!! All the while forcing a candy necklace around her scrawny neck! UGH!!!!

Me-l-l-l-o-w-w .....

The discussion was about obesity not being "green". The twinkie was saying that obese people are more apt to drive a car than someone who is not obese, using more energy and polluting the planet. And oh - what about the over-consumption of food??? If you are obese it means you are eating more than you need. And if you are eating more food than you need, that food needs to be produced, it needs to be processed and transported, increasing the obese person's carbon footprint to something way larger than a thin persons.

It was suggested that if an obese person is using more of the earth's resources maybe they should be taxed on that somehow. Hmm. Interesting. And then it came around to possibly the point she was getting to all along! National Health care. IF we end up with National Health care, and by God if we do I will continue to keep my private insurance for as long as I possibly can, obese people should have to pay more out of pocket. She made the direct correlation between - if you over consume - you should pay more out of pocket for your health care.

So listen genius! There are plenty of people who eat - I'm sorry - over consume more than I do. You cannot look at someone and make the judgement that they over-consume by looking at them. You can't always see it hanging over their belt or under their chin. Could be it's their genetic makeup, could be they drive to the gym every day using energy by driving and by going to a building that has more bright lights than any place ought to? Over consumption my ass.

There IS a correlation between obesity and certain illnesses which is why I am trying my damnedest to NOT be obese. If she had used that as her argument I might have been willing to seriously hear what she had to say. But the cover it up with all this carbon footprint bull$hit - no way. This twinkie deserves an award for self righteous, intolerant, ignorant insensitivity. Not to mention outing herself as having absolutely no idea what causes obesity. Note to Twinkie - it's not as simple as "over-consuming" for every person. I will admit to hurling several really bad words as well as a hand gesture toward the TV on my way to the treadmill. And I don't usually raise my voice in anger at the TV.

I don't need much to push me toward the Ho Ho's (if I had any) anyway, luckily it was the treadmill that was beckoning me tonight. Oh and Twinkie? As far as the use of my car is concerned, I drive a 2001 and have only 52,000 miles on it. That footprint is generally much smaller than most who drive to work everyday. Fat OR thin.

So I should ask - is my sometime addiction to Pez a problem for you too?

Did I mention neurosis?

I have been trying since Christmas, to get my bead room together. I have emptied baggie after baggie of beads into containers. I have taken beads from boxes and bins and put them into other kinds of compartments and boxes. Shelves have been put up and mailing materials organized.

But I am stuck. This is a project that Molly could have done in a day. Actually, she could have organized the beads, the room, and painted it some wonderful color besides. And the color would have a name. Not me!

Okay I have long recognized that I have some *cough cough* quirks. People at work know I hate when someone sits at my desk and moves things around. My daughter knows if she loads the dishwasher I will move all the dishes around until they fit what I think is a better configuration. The bills in my wallet? Yeah, they all face the same direction, just like the clothing on hangers in my closet. But everybody does that. I think. The Christmas tree? Let’s not even talk about that.

Funny though, I am not that way about everything. Is my house a masterpiece of order and cleanliness? Uh, no. I wish. Does everything in my house have a place? And do I know where those places are? Hell no! It’s my private joke with myself when I am looking for something around the house that I am sure “I put it somewhere safe where I know I will remember it.” If I don’t laugh about it I will cry because I can’t find anything!

Which brings me back to my bead room. I want to organize it so well, I want everything to be within reach and I want it to make sense so desperately – that I am immobilized. I know that if I put everything in a bin or box or drawer, there is so much of it, it will never be right. I will be reorganizing forever and knowing I can’t do that the first time – freezes me in my tracks.

I know, look at it in small bits so I am not overwhelmed by the whole. Just do it, get it all cleaned up and looking wonderful and if I have to move things around every time I use something in there, so what? Just do it!!! Uh – yeah.

In some ways it makes it harder that I know exactly what is stopping me. Somehow if I could be oblivious to the idea that I will be extremely uncomfortable if I do not get it all in place to my liking, I could move forward and put everything – well – somewhere. But I think somewhere in my mind I think I will come to the end of the space and still have stuff left over with no place to put it.

Crisis for most people? No. For me?

Can you say neurotic? Sigh-h-h.