Cause I said so. Just sayin'.

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My rules.

If you want to drive in front of me you have to at least drive the speed limit. A bit faster would be nice.

If you want to drive in front of me do not tap your breaks every 50 feet just to see .. something. You must be trying to see something but I don't think like you so I have no idea what you're checking out.

If you want to sell me a purse online you must show me all of it. That means the front, the back, how it looks with a person holding or wearing it. And you must show me THE INSIDE! I need to see if it is a cavernous open space, if it is an organized divided space, if there are zipper pockets and or pen holders. I want to see it all. You want me to buy it? Show me.

If you want to live in my house and continue to be fed - don't poop on my shoes! (or my bed, closet floor, or any other place you know you should not poop.)

If you want to drive behind me make sure you are far enough back that I can at least see your headlights in my rearview mirror. If you are so close I cannot even see your lights you run the strong risk of my starting to drive ve-e-r-r-y-y s-l-o-o-o-w-l-y-y - which I may accomplish with a very quick deceleration of speed. Think fast!

If you go through the drive thru at the pharmacy, be dropping off or picking up, not both. Do not go through the drive thru to get your new insurance card put into their computers or to argue about whether or not you have another refill. Drive thrus are meant to be fast. Other people who are just dropping off or picking up may be waiting behind you.

If you want to shop in the grocery store when I am there, keep your kids somewhere within the same zip code and for goodness sakes drive your cart on the right side of the aisle! Pretend it's a road and there is a side that belongs to you and a side that belongs to the other guy. And please, do not stop abruptly.

Oh and one more thing. If you have cookies to sell, political views to push, a vaccum cleaner to delight my eyes with - if you do not know me personally, do not step foot on my driveway unless it is to go down, toward, and across the street. And for the sake of all that's good in this world - do not step foot on my porch or even think about ringing my doorbell.

Thank you for listening.