Sh-h-h-h .. sleeping like the proverbial baby.

Lo-o-o-n-n-g-g day. There has been much lifting, guiding, holding onto and helping into a sitting position, wherever that may be. But now she is sleeping. I will be soon too!

She is more frail than when I saw her last. 2 months at the nursing home where they approved her walker and then took it away when she fell while using it, has not strengthened her body at all. They lost her glasses, and when she felt like it, they let her lay in her bed all day. Better than have her up and about and hurting herself I guess, but bad for what was left of her muscle tone.

We went through all her meds and sorted them out, daytime, nighttime, amounts, etc. Sorted them by days of the week in those old lady pill organizers that *cough* belonged to *cough* me. Ahem. Did a nebulizer when she got here, and another before bed. Filled a 3rd and set it next to her bed so if she wakes in distress she can reach out and pull the thing into her mouth and push the button. Voila. An additional dose sits nearby for morning, along with a granola bar and a bottle of water.

So I can tell you now what she said when she got into the car with my BF and I at the airport. "Wow" to JD, "you're getting a big belly!" MORTIFIED! "Oh no, I had this belly when you saw me last." She reached over and patted his belly while saying "No, it's gotten MUCH bigger than before!" They didn't see me crawling under the seat .. A little while later she randomly said "I need to find a good funeral home around here."

Oy. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
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Tag, I'm it!

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She's on her way.




After one last argument with my brother over reconciling FOUR CENTS with the bank, she got on the plane. It's my turn now! I have been instructed to pick up chocolate on the way to the airport.

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Let the games begin! Or not ..

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Did I mention that my mom is coming? Tomorrow? I was very freaked out at work today. I received a call from a nursing home I had inquired about a while back. The girl I talked to was so nice and so helpful, I almost cried. It's a nonprofit place which from everything I've read, is usually better than a for-profit facility. Trying to learn these things. But today was not the day for it.

Have you ever felt so emotional or so on the verge - that you just don't want anyone to be too nice to you because you know it will push you over the edge of whatever composure you're holding onto? Yeah, like that. And my office mate kept babbling on about things that I had no interest in, not trying to distract me but because she was oblivious. She's one of those people who does not have the ability to see things through anyone else's eyes. If you spell it out to her she will express sympathy and I think it's heartfelt but I also think she doesn't naturally feel empathy. And I wasn't in the mood to fill her in, so everything she did today annoyed me.

Not fair to her I suppose, but - oh well.

It's kind of funny too because I came home from work and immediately started doing things like cleaning the smudges from the front of the fridge and the dishwasher. Like my mom is going to notice that stuff. Cause she won't. She's the one who dropped something on my carpet when she was living here a while back and instead of telling me or trying to clean it up, she rubbed it into the rug with the heel of her foot.

Omg.

I saw her do it out of the corner of my eye and I was astounded. This is the woman who spent half my childhood bent at the waist because she was always picking lint off the carpet. It's hard to see that she's not the same anymore.

I always thought that when people get old they either stay the same personality wise, or they change because of dementia. My mom gets confused sometimes, but she does not have dementia. Still - she is not the same woman. Hard to explain but like I said to the girl on the phone today, her maturity is gone. It's like she wants to stamp her feet and hold her breath like a child when she gets angry or frustrated. She said her mom was the same way when she got older. It's that full circle thing I guess. Some people lose some of their cognitive abilities and the filters people normally have, as they age. Art Linkletter (dating myself BIG here) should have said "kids and old people say the darnedest things" and it would have been absolutely comparable and true.

Okay, so I'm terrified right now. Not sure of what. But you know I'll tell you.

Just some stuff

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Apparently my mom is coming to live with me. On Friday. Not that I've spoken to her about it since she said she was going to look into plane flights. I got an email from my brother in Seattle telling me my mom was coming out on Friday. Hmm. Spoke to my brother in New Jersey - he didn't know anything either - even though he would be the one responsible for helping her pack and getting to the airport.

Interesting. I tried to call her today, no answer, emailed her asking her to call me. Got an email back -

" Will arrive in Chicago around 2pm on Fri., will follow with details later.
Love"

Uh ... okay. So even though I have the day off work today I am sitting here instead of getting her room ready and doing anything else really. That's what happens to me, I get overwhelmed and get paralyzed. It's called denial.

On another note, I'm inordinately worried about Bret Michaels and his brain hemorrhage. Never really been a fan per se, but every time I have seen an interview with him he simply seems like a really good guy. Maybe it's because he's diabetic, has been since he was a kid, which means any other kind of illness can be devastating - much less something like this! Information is only trickling out and I find myself checking for updates more than is natural for someone who has not really listened to his music or watched him on TV, beyond the very first season of Rock of Love. Wasn't interested enough to watch any other seasons or Celebrity Apprentice when I heard he was on.

A bit weird but we'll just call it compassion and leave it at that.

Oh and I saw this - whether you agree with the law that has been passed or not - you have to admit MSNBC has a genius writing their headlines! Lol!



It's almost like using a double negative, isn't it?
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Maxine Monday

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