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I frequently correspond with myself through email. When I am at work I send emails home saying things like “check for black beads” because someone at work has asked if I can make something for them. Or “email picture” so I will remember to send a picture that resides on my home computer to someone.
From home – I do the same thing. I'll send a reminder to my work email - “get cat litter” to remember to stop at the store on the way home from work. Or “check calendar” in case I need a day off on a particular day.
Last night I had just shut down my computer when I remembered I wanted to send an email to work to remind myself to stop at the bank on the way home and then to pick up some prescriptions. My daughter was still on her laptop so I asked her to send me an email at work, I asked her to say – “get money, pick up prescriptions.” Short and simple.
When I got to work today this is what I got:
Subject: huh?
get money.
assemble the golden monkey.
pick up prescriptions.
buy dani a pony.
rinse and repeat.
She’s so special isn’t she? And she didn’t send any assembly instructions for that monkey either!!
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This is an email I received and it really only needs to be sent to one person in my address book.
Dear Mom,
I must send my thanks for sending me the email about the roach bug poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But it’s a good kind of broke.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I am so excited!!
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. No wonder I never got the beautiful pink and fabulous Barbie car I wanted when I was a kid. No email to reinforce those prayers!
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. Thanks Mom.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make those products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans .
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I never ever use margerine because it is only one molecule away from plastic.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because you told me I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. To think I have been risking my life for years!
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone (you tried to call? Sorry) because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore, and Uzbekistan .
I no longer use the rest-room in any restaurant because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I won't ever pick up a $5.00 bill dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
And thank you so much, for letting me know to call 911 IMMEDIATELY should I find myself in my bathtub, submerged in ice and missing my kidneys. I would not have known what to do otherwise.
Now Mom, if you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
OH! And if you send this email to enough people something really cool will pop up on your screen after you hit enter!! Just wait Mom, you’ll see!!
I’m sorry, one more thing. I know all of this to be true because you checked it all through Snopes.com before you sent any of it to me which means it must be the God’s honest truth.
I really appreciate it Mom.
Love,
Your Daughter
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Today was the last day for one of the girls I work with. Her position has been eliminated. Not a good day, the rest of us did our work quietly - hearing her blow her over-stuffed I've been crying for days nose every once in a while. Not a comfortable feeling. We were supposed to go to lunch - bosses credit card don't ya know - but we were feeling a bit hesitant at that point about going.
In the midst of it - another girl I work with was complaining about someone giving her something to do - someone who is not her supervisor manager or anything of the sort. Her own employee was off today so she called over and gave his work to our gal. So this girl is complaining about it and I suggested to her - as I have in the past - that she go to our manager and make sure she knew what was happening. This gal said "No. She won't stand up for me." Then she repeated it as if I (we) had not heard it the first time. "No. She won't stand up for me."
So me being me - typing faster than I could probably say it out loud when I am annoyed - sent an email off to the girl who sits across from me who mostly feels like I do saying "So I don't want to f#$king hear her complain about having to do HIS work anymore!!!!!!!"
Except I sent it to the girl behind me, the one who I was talking about, not talking to.
There was that moment of breath being held and synopses not firing - before the finality and STUPIDITY of my act became real to me. OMG. I knew it wouldn't do any good to try but I quickly fired that cursor up to 'actions' and to 'recall message' and clicked on it. Then the cursor was frantically clicking on 'send and receive' as if I wasn't even the one doing it - and as if that would make the lightening speed of our company email slow to a crawl and not let that email reach the girl in the cubicle behind me.
I heard the email hit her inbox - "RING-G-G!!!!" Like a telephone. The old fashioned kind. As I waited for her reaction I opened a new message and started typing my apology. Then from behind me I heard - "Thanks BJ." Cringe! Arg-g-h-h-h!!! "I know.." was the only reply I could get out.
My apology was along the lines of - "obviously that was not meant to be seen by you and I am incredibly sorry. I get annoyed when people won't stand up for themselves because it hurts all of us. But that is no excuse. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt your feelings."
Or something.
Reading a post not too long ago by Amanda over at The Wink about a similar incident that happened to her - I had relived the one time it had happened to me before. And vowed to myself that it would never happen to me again. The time before was years ago - but it was almost the exact same thing. I was annoyed and fired off an email about someone - and sent it to the person I was writing about. That time it was vague enough that the woman I sent it to did not realize it was about her and I dodged a big bullet.
Not so lucky this time.
So. Does anyone think this will stop me from being catty? Will I learn my lesson and not say nasty things about other people when I am annoyed/aggravated and what? Feeling a little superior maybe? I cannot tell you how ashamed I was. She was very nice about it, accepted my apology, and by the time we went to lunch we were talking and laughing as if nothing happened. Which made me feel even worse.
Will I learn? I actually kind of doubt it - if I am being honest. I mean - I will try - but when I am in a snit - gee - doesn't sound good to try to defend it, does it? By the end of the day the girl whose position had been eliminated got a stay - and an extension of a week. The girl whose feelings I hurt went home wishing me a good weekend and smiling on her way out the door.
How am I going to learn anything if we all basically sang kumbaya and skipped down the yellow brick road side by side with arms linked? I always learn things the hard way, I guess this is no different. ARG-G-G-H-H-H.
